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Your true identity matters in what you do.
If you believe yourself to be a failure, purposeless and lost, you’ll be aimlessly wandering finding validations in your life to affirm that which you believe about yourself. There’s a reason why all the first few sessions of coaching transformations I get to be a part of involves talking about identity. Identity can either weigh us down or unleash us into our destiny. What we believe about ourselves matters greatly. Most of what people carry for an identity came at an early age, spoken about them or given them by others, or even a projection of what others believe to be best for them. I would know because I grew up with a belief about myself that I couldn’t do anything right. As such, I would never fully acknowledge or celebrate the work that I did no matter how successful. And do you know where I got all this from? My mother’s unrealistic standards for dishes I put on a dish drying rack as a child doing chores growing up. My work would always be met with a sigh, rearrangement of the dishes and subtle digs at how I’d placed them. I would strive for her approval each time and never did I get it, or did it get remotely close. And guess what? I didn’t realize how much this hindered me until I got coaching into it from my own coach some 25 years later in life. I can’t describe all the work I've done, most of which I’ve thrown away, and the lack of progress I’ve made in life from this one belief I held. Now just imagine for yourself, growing up as a child, many parents just “NO” their way through it. Over time, a child is going to think “NO” about everything they do. They can’t. They shouldn’t. They don’t. It doesn’t open the door to possibilities, nor does it inspire creativity or action; it limits & withholds. If you’re feeling stuck or feel like there’s gotta be more to life, identity may be what’s holding you back. Shoot me a message and we’ll talk about how I can help you find the breakthrough you seek.
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People often ask me what “transformational (or transformative) coaching” is.
First, to better understand what coaching is, it’s about helping people get from zero (now) to infinity. Because unlike therapy & counseling, those are getting people from negative to zero; trauma to health (normalcy). The two types of coaching are transactional or transformational. Transactional is more goal oriented, on hard skills, working together on a specific challenge to a desired outcome. A soccer coach would be an excellent example of a transactional coach, teaching the hard skills for the specific challenge of winning a championship. Likewise, a coach that helps clients with their résumés, or a career coach, for example. The journey of transactional coaching leaves nothing to the imagination and is outlined extremely tangibly, legibly & clearly defined. A transactional coaching relationship sees a mountain before them and immediately works to make goals, the how-tos & formulate plans to conquer it. Transformational coaching, on the other hand, goes deeper into the very being of the person, on the underlying intrinsic potential, to consider their values, strengths, & beliefs to ensure a holistic alignment. The journey of transformational coaching comes in the form of continual discovery, a constant unraveling that’s fluid & changes as revelations & insight are uncovered. The beauty of transformational coaching is that the destination is largely unknown, just that the present place the client is at, no longer serves them. A transformational coaching relationship sees a mountain before them then looks at the range beyond that, highlights the individual’s being and finds the path forward to conquer all inevitable mountains to come. As a transformational coach myself, I focus more on discovery, understanding, & embracing of one's identity, strengths & beliefs to unlock our true potential & purpose within; physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. You’ll hear me talking frequently about how I’m able to utilize every part of my being in the coaching I do; I truly shine in the exploration, curiosity and fluidness of the discovery process. The beauty of it all is I help clients discover this for themselves, I facilitate a discovery through enlightenment for what a life of purpose & greatness might look like for them by capitalizing on their entire being top-to-bottom, from inside-out. If this intrigues you in any way, I’d love to have a friendly conversation with you about it. I’m a man of practicality.
So let me cut straight to the chase. If you’re looking to live more fulfilled, try applying these 4 practical mental shifts to your daily life. 1️⃣ Stay in the present, control what you can; the now. Research has shown that the average mind processes about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day. 80% are negative and 95% are the same ones from the day before! If the latter is true, anytime we’re worrying about something past or future, we’re essentially rarely present. Just think how much time we spend not being present. Come back to the now and live there. 2️⃣ Purpose without priority is pointless Anything you pursue in life requires priority. Without it, we’ll be multitasking, touching everything, ADHDing our way through life. This actually ends up causing us to be less productive in the long run. Plan your work, work your plan, rinse and repeat. Prioritizing allows us to utilize time most effectively. 3️⃣ Open your mind & the world will open itself to you Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “There are no facts, only interpretations.” The world doesn’t thrive when we close our minds. Look at every major political theater, conflict, or debate. They all stem from close-mindedness. Change your perspective and suddenly you’ll notice the world around you is beautiful. Not that it wasn’t beautiful before but your perspective acknowledges it more fully now. 4️⃣ Be okay with saying “no” Being present with self is critical to fulfilled living. When we don’t take an accurate audit of our present condition, it’ll lead us to people-please, say yes to too many things thus stretching ourselves too thin. Remember always that when we say yes, we’re saying no to something else. Ask yourself what are you saying no to by saying yes to any given situation. I hope this helps you in your life in some form or another. Definitely not out to reinvent the wheel with these tips. But always good to have a reminder. When we all live fulfilled, the world gets more of our best and that’s always a good thing in the long run. #fulfilled #lifehacks #mindsetshift  Team Amundsen of Norway TL;DR - A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Break it down into manageable bites. Set the bar enough so that even on a bad day you still accomplish the bite. A strange thing happened just now as I was thinking about what value to give and content to post for you fathers who are interested in working for yourselves, I suddenly had a name cross my mind, “Amundsen.” Roald Amundsen, to be more exact, and in doing research into his name, it just so happens that today marks the 110 year anniversary of him being the first explorer to reach the South Pole. I first read about Roald Amundsen in a book a while back (forgot the name) about the importance of preparation and how making mile markers attainable on the worst of days but make sure to keep to them even on the best of days maximizes our chances of success. As the story goes, there was another team that was also racing to be the first explorers to get there by the name of Robert F. Scott. Team Amundsen was way better prepared & methodical and thus actually ended up making it there a whole month before Team Scott made it; Team Scott actually ended up perishing on the way back from the pole. The key to Amundsen’s success stemmed from a knack for preparation and also aiming towards a very attainable progress marker where every day regardless of conditions out, they’d adhere themselves to it religiously, through good or bad conditions.  Both teams set out, both made it, only one made it back. He broke the journey into bite-sized chunks and made sure to keep rationing the bites all the way to the destination and back.
This is totally something I feel fathers looking to work for themselves can adapt into their pursuits. Start small. Set the bar low so that you can make progress on an especially bad day but also pace yourself on a good day. No one expects you to create a multi-million dollar business from day one. In asking multiple groups of fathers the questions of what’s holding them back, the most frequent responses were money, time, what to do, instability, fear of failure, and circumstance. I’ve stared down all those things and still face some of them to this day 4.5 years into this journey but as you’ll see other fathers who have made the leap say, “the best decision I ever made.” If you’ve got dreams, don’t let those things get in the way. You’re the boss. There are ways to get around those hurdles if you’d only give it some thought; understandably everyone’s cards & best hands to play are different, the trick is doing the best you can & learning along the way. Take advantage of this group and share your struggles as there are a ton of fathers in here who have made the leap to work for themselves and can support you on this journey. The year 2022 is around the corner, so if you’re on the fence about getting started, you got time to prepare before it starts and hit the ground running. Let’s GO! 👊  Creator: Bob Frid, Bob Frid | Credit: Bob Frid-USA TODAY Sports Copyright: Bob Frid The past 2 weeks have both been amazing as well as stressful for a Vancouver Canucks fan; especially for me as a life coach.
To put it bluntly, we all got to see the contrast & difference in results between a bad and a good coach. The styles they implement affect the players in such a way that affect the overall performance we see on/off the ice. For those of you who aren’t fans, the Vancouver Canucks started off the season with an absolutely horrid start and fans in this city were crying out for some changes. We’d been going through a half-rebuild, cutting corners to become a playoff contender. Had it not been for a few amazing picks in the drafts and quality pick-ups, we’d be in a way worse position today. Long story short, the front office needed a dramatic overhaul so last week, the ownership took matters into their own hands and started implementing change. The previous coaching staff employed a style of coaching that was taken very negatively by the players, evident in the practice of benching players underperforming, not fully utilizing players yet expecting chemistry, and only playing certain players who were performing. It was evident to me the morale was extremely low and confidence was dismal. But once the coaching changes were made, the new coaching staff especially came in with a new style and demeanor. And it was incredibly evident based on coaching interviews and the subsequent results on the ice. They allowed underperforming players to get more time to build confidence & morale, they gave them opportunities to play in situations they wouldn’t normally play (PK, PP), and were given the highest chance to perform. The end result is a 4 game win streak to start the new tenure for this new coaching staff & management. You can even see it on the faces and play of the players on the ice; there’s a swagger I haven’t seen in a long time. But the coolest thing for me is how this relates to the style of coaching. The worst thing about poor coaching is the emphasis on the coaches’ ability to direct (in fact, that’s not actually coaching), the true purpose of a coach is to focus on the players’ abilities, facilitating & squeezing every ounce of potential they have to offer on & off the ice. The same goes for life coaching. My goal in coaching is not to direct someone to live what I think is best for them in the current state, my goal is to help someone fully understand who they are now, see the options available in front of them, and squeeze their best potential out of them while holding them to the direction they’ve set. You’re the player. You’re on the ice. You’re wearing the skates and holding the skate. My job is to make sure you’re given the opportunities to shine and what you don’t see, the areas I feel can be improved upon to draw out the best, I work with you on. That’s the mastery of coaching. If you are wondering what this may look like in your own life, reach out for a friendly conversation. I’d love to show you what it is I can do & answer any questions you may have about working together. GO CANUCKS GO! |
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